


I Never Want You To Come Home With Me Again

by guitarist17



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-29 19:25:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18300473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guitarist17/pseuds/guitarist17
Summary: "I don't understand Chloe," Beca's whisper snaps her out of her thoughts and Chloe presses her phone closer to her ear. "What do you mean?""I don't want you to come home," Chloe repeats in a breath, her voice trembling as she hears Beca's sharp intake of air.Or: Chloe fucks up, Beca writes songs, and they try to find their way out of the mess whitout too much damage.





	I Never Want You To Come Home With Me Again

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there,  
> I know it is long, but please give it a try. It is the first story that I'm truly proud of, from the first word to the last. And I hope you will like it as well.  
> Memories are in between these lines ------ in case it isn't obvious.  
> Enjoy :)

 

She is sitting on their couch, in the apartment they have been sharing for four years.

They did not move in together right after graduation. But after a couple months they came to the conclusion that it was stupid to pay for two rents when Beca was spending almost every night at her place and that most of her stuff had found its way in Chloe's two bedrooms apartment.

Chloe doesn't remember what her apartment looked like without Beca. Without her huge CDs collection in the living room, without the second bedroom used as Beca's study, without half of the closet filled with Beca's clothes, without pictures of them and their friends and families on the walls and their stupid selfies on the fridge, without Beca's shoes always thrown randomly in the hallway, without Beca's expensive shampoo in the shower or without their toothbrushes standing together on the bathroom sink .

 Her life is filled with Beca, and Beca's is filled with hers.

And she doesn't know how what will be left when Beca's half will be separated from hers.

"I don't understand Chloe," Beca's whisper snaps her out of her thoughts and Chloe presses her phone closer to her ear. "What do you mean?"

"I don't want you to come home," Chloe repeats in a breath, her voice trembling as she hears Beca's sharp intake of air.

"What does that even mean? I'm at the airport, I'll be home in a few hours babe."

"I know. But I won't be there when you come back," Chloe murmurs.

"Chloe... Babe I'm so lost. What is going on?" Beca asks, and by the waver in her voice Chloe knows that Beca is slowly understanding what she is trying to say.

"I don't know what my life is without you Beca. And at first I didn't mind it, because you were my everything. But it's been more than five years, and we're losing what we had at first. It's not the same Beca, we're losing each other."

"Chlo-"

"Let me finish please. I don't know if I'll be able to do what I have to if you say something," Chloe sobs softly, taking  a second to calm herself. "It's too hard Beca. Pretending that everything is fine, that we're happy together, when I can feel you slipping out of my hands. I don't want us, our relationship, to deteriorate even more than it already is. I won't be able to live if we fall apart and end up losing each other forever. That's why I want us to end now, so that maybe we have a chance to fix each other as friends."

"What? I- I- Chloe what's going on? Where does that come from? Why didn't you talk to me babe? We're fine, I know I haven't been the greatest girlfriend lately but I can fix it. Wait for me Chlo, I'll be home in a few hours and we can discuss it. I'll fix it I promise," Beca says, her voice weak but determined.

"No you won't Becs. It's too late," Chloe whispers. "I've made up my mind Beca. If we continue I know that it will only become worse and we will lose each other for good. And I won't survive that. So please let me do what I have to do."

"Chloe I-"

"I won't be there when you come back," Chloe cuts her, knowing that she won't have the strength to continue if she hears Beca's trembling voice again. "I'm going away for a few days. It will give you some time to pack everything. Stacie said it was okay for you to stay with her for as long as you want."

"Baby, no. Please let me-"

"When I come back I don't want to see you. I don't want to see any trace of you in my apartment because it will hurt too much. I'll call you when I'm ready to talk things through face to face... But right now I just need time to heal, and I think it will be good for you to."

"Don't," Beca cuts her with a strangled sob. " Don't assume what is good for me."

"I'm so sorry Beca..." Chloe finally lets a tear drop, closing her eyes to stop any more to escape her eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"Please Chloe. Let me try to fix it. We'll fix it. I'm coming home babe."

"That's the problem Beca. I never want you to come with me again."

The silence that follows her whimper is deafening and it takes all of her strength not to cry when she hears Beca's muffled sobs.

"Okay," Beca murmurs after a moment. "You clearly won't hear what I have to say. So I guess I don't really have a choice here."

"I'm so s-"

"It's okay Chlo. I love you too much not to respect what you want..."

That is when Chloe feels her heart break. She always thought that it was just an image that authors used in books, but the unbearable pain in her chest is how to real and she doesn't know if her heart will ever be the same after Beca's whispered sentence.

"But you know that I will never stop fighting for us right? Even though you don't want me to come home you will always be my home Chlo. No matter what."

And with that her tears start falling freely.

"Goodbye Beca."

Chloe's throat tightens at the loud sob coming out of Beca's mouth, and she hears the muffled sounds of movements understanding that Beca is wiping her tears away.

"That's not a goodbye Chlo. I won't let it be a goodbye".

Closing her blue eyes, Chloe lets the sentence hanging freely in the air until Beca hangs up. And she cries.

*

When she unlocks her front door a few days after, Beca's scent slaps her in her face and makes her eyes water.

However stepping in her apartment she comes to the realization that it is the only proof that Beca was once here. Everything has disappeared, half of her life taken away in a couple days and leaving her with nothing but herself and the lingering perfume that she used to call home.

The shelves above the TV are empty, naked without the CDs that used to stand there. The second bedroom is nothing but an empty room. Her closet looks too big for the few pieces of clothes she owns. The walls and the fridge look naked and depressing without their smiling faces, without Beca's resting bitch faces, without the frames containing memories of their life together. She doesn't trip over shoes in the hallway. She doesn't see Beca's expensive shampoo in the shower and her toothbrush is standing just as alone as she is on the sink.

The fact that Beca is gone is everywhere. But it really hits her when she finds the sticky note on her pillow case.

**_Just say one word and I'll come home_ **

A cry rips her chest and she doesn't remember how she managed to text Aubrey through her tears and sobs.

When there's a knock on her door she grabs her still packed suitcase and flees her apartment.

"You look like shit," Aubrey says, her embrace nevertheless understanding and comforting.

"I can't stay here," Chloe hiccups. "Not yet."

"Of course honey, let's take you home," Aubrey kisses the side of head, grabbing her suitcase and heading outside.

Chloe doesn't know what that word means anymore.

*

It takes her a week to go back.

And it takes her a few more days before she spends more than a couple of hours in the apartment.

After almost two weeks she decides that it is time to grow up, that it is what she wanted and she needs to own up to it.

Unpacking her suitcase in her almost empty closet she notices that, even though she thought the other half of her life was gone, Beca is still everywhere.

And she muffles a cry in the dark green hoodie as memories hit her like a brick wall.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You know, you could leave some of your stuff here. Instead of stealing all my clothes all the time," Chloe chuckles as Beca slips on one of her oversized tee shirts before jumping into bed.

"But I like wearing your clothes," Beca smiles shyly as she snuggles closer to Chloe. "And it's not stealing if I'm giving them back," she deadpans, making Chloe chuckles at her try to outsmart her.

"Yeah? What about my hoodie that you 'borrowed' in junior year?" She air quotes the word, highlighting the fact that she never got the hoodie back.

"Oh..." Beca mumbles. "Well... I totally have something to say about that, but I also have something else that we could do in mind. And I think it is more interesting  than arguing about a hoodie that you swear to god gave me."

Chloe feels Beca's devil grin against her neck as her mouth drop in shock.

"I can't believe you. I never said you c-"

She stops dead in her track when Beca starts nibbling her neck gently, hands swiftly slipping under her shirt.

"See? I think this is more interesting than the hoodie, but by all mean feel free to continue," Beca murmurs in her ear, softly taking her earlobe in between her teeth as her hand slides higher on Chloe's stomach.

Chloe loses her train of thoughts, because at this point Beca is already grinding against her thigh and who is she to stop her just to talk about a stupid hoodie.

"Good distraction technique Mitchell," she groans, nonetheless rolling over to straddle Beca.

"Thanks," Beca grins, sitting up to drop a kiss on Chloe's lips and it is all it takes for the redhead to forget about what they were talking about.

It's a few days later when she notices the green hoodie on her pile of sweatshirts in the closet.

"Becs?" she calls.

"Hm?" comes the answer form the kitchen, Beca appearing a few seconds later with a sandwich hanging from her mouth. "Whatchsupf?" she mumbles through her mouthful.

"What is this?" Chloe asks, hoodie in her hand.

"Oh..." Beca swallows. "Well you said you wanted it back so here it is," Beca says matter-of-factly, shrugging as she takes another bite from her sandwich.

 "I didn't actually- I mean you can-" Chloe stumbles. " I didn't really mean it. I love it when you wear my clothes."

Beca shit eating grin makes her roll her eyes.

"Of course, you knew that already," Chloe chuckles.

"Yeah but I wanted to hear you say it," Beca sticks her tongue as she grabs the hoodie from Chloe's hands, and it still surprises Chloe that the supposedly badass and stoic woman is actually a child at heart.

"You're a dork," Chloe rolls her eyes again, but kisses Beca back when she feels warm lips against her own.

"You know it," Beca winks. "I actually brought it because I thought about what you said the other day," Beca starts as she neatly folds the hoodie before placing it in the shelf that she knows Chloe has left empty for her.

"About what?" Chloe wonders.

"About starting to leave some of my clothes here," Beca says as she grabs Chloe's hips to bring her closer.

"Yeah?" Chloe whispers, hoping that her grin isn't too obvious. Beca's twinkling eyes telling her that she's failing to hide it.

"Yeah," Beca nods. "I think it's a good idea."

And they know that to Beca it means more than just leaving clothes at her girlfriend's place. It means that the girl who used to avoid commitment at all cost is starting to let down her guard, that she is done with this part of her life and that she's letting Chloe in. It's Beca's way to tell Chloe to wait, that she will be ready soon.

"I love you," Chloe murmurs with a smile.

"I know," Beca shrugs, grinning at the sound of Chloe's laugh. "I love you too."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few days later Chloe buries the dark hoodie deep in one of the drawers, some of her tears still visible on the front and  Beca's scent still filling the fabric.

She tries to distract herself by cleaning her whole place hoping to get rid of the perfume that stills haunts the walls. Trying to get rid of the last of Beca.

She is dusting the empty shelves, wondering what she could put on them so they would stop looking so depressing, trying to figure out if she has enough books to occupy all this empty space.

That is when she finds the CD.

At first she wonders why Beca would forget one. Then she sees the sleeve and Chloe knows that the CD wasn't left here by accident.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Dude how am I supposed to put that up there?"

Chloe has to bite her lip to stop herself from laughing as Beca points to the space above her TV with a hammer, clearly not tall enough to reach it.

"I don't know what you're talking about Becs," she deadpans, only breaking her stoic face when Beca attempts to send her a death glare.

"I clearly didn't think that through..." Beca throws her head back in defeat, letting a long sigh out.

"Just go up on a chair dumbass," Chloe finally lets herself laugh.

The whole situation is just too cute.

She had told Beca a few days ago that she was getting sick of having to walk pass the boxes of CDs in the hallway and that they needed to do something about it.

Apparently Beca had this genius idea that she would surprise Chloe by building a few shelves on their living room wall.

She had succeeded. For the most part.

Chloe had come home to see Beca sitting on the floor in her overalls, glaring at the wall like it would give her the answer she needed.

There were four shelves on the wall next to the TV, and only one that wasn't very straight (It's my favorite, Chloe had said with a wink. I prefer things when they are not straight). The last shelf was on the ground next to Beca, with only one spot available on the wall, right above the TV.

"Dude I tried... But I'm too small," Beca whispers the last part with a frown, never liking when she has to admit her height sometime plays against her. "Can you do it?"

"No way babe," Chloe chuckles, taking her phone out of her pocket and scrolling through Instagram to emphasize that she is not moving.

"But whyyyyyy?" Beca whines, slumping down on the couch.

"Well, first you've got yourself into this without asking me what I thought about it, so you finish it on your own because you need to learn from your mistakes. Second, I'm really enjoying seeing you struggle," Chloe winks, leaning down to drop a kiss on the forehead of a pouting Beca.

"You don't like it...?" Beca wonders shyly, fidgeting with the hammer.

"I do babe," Chloe admits with a smile. "But I'm still a little bit disappointed that you took that decision without asking me first. It's not that much of a big deal, but we said we would always decide about these stuff together."

"I know... I was just trying to be romantic and surprise you I guess," Beca shrugs.

"It's nice. Just ask me first please," Chloe smirks. "Also how gay of you to try and be romantic with manual work."

"Why don't we have a ladder again?" Beca sighs. "That would make my life so much easier."

"You know how Aubrey feels about ladders," Chloe answers focusing on her phone again.

"That motherf- I'm calling her. It's her fault if I can't put that damn shelf up," Beca grumpily dials the number, tapping the hammer on the couch as she waits for Aubrey to pick up and ignoring Chloe's laugh.

"Tell her I say sorry. And also hurry up with that shelf. I have plans for you in those overalls."

That is how Aubrey finds herself in their apartment on a Sunday afternoon, putting a shelf up the wall laughing along Chloe as Beca arranges her CDs on the other shelves, mumbling about ladders and small beans.

That is also how half of the CDs on a shelf get knock down when Beca's overalls are thrown carelessly  as soon as Aubrey closes the front door.

*

A few hours later Chloe finds herself in the very same overalls, helping a very naked Beca picking up the CDs and placing them back on the shelf.

They are almost done when Chloe grabs one particular CD that she immediately recognizes.

"You've kept that?"

"Hm?" Beca hums, on her toes as she puts back the last CDs on the bottom shelf. Chloe notices the light blush that colors her cheeks when she sees what Chloe is showing her. "Oh yeah, of course I did."

"Wow I had no idea," Chloe says looking at the sleeve of the Beatles greatest hits album.

"It's actually the reason I started the whole collection," Beca admits, wrapping her arms around Chloe's waist from behind and dropping her chin in the crook of Chloe's neck to look at the sleeve as well. "It's probably one of my favorites in the collection."

 "Yeah it's a pretty good album," Chloe says, slowly getting out of Beca's embrace to put the CD in their player.

As the first notes of _And I Love Her_ rings into their apartment Chloe grabs Beca's hand and makes her spin around, earning a loud laugh from her girlfriend.

She doesn't need to ask if Beca remembers the first time they dance to that song, from that very album, because she can see the memory flashing by in Beca's blue eyes as they sway to the soft beat of the song.

She sees their first vacation together after graduation, driving to Maine in Beca's old car. She sees how their Bluetooth speaker broke and how the only thing the small gas station they'd stopped at was selling were CDs. She sees them debating on what they should buy before agreeing on a classic band that would never be old. She sees them singing at the top of their lungs on _Twist And Shout_ and _I Wanna Hold Your Hand_. She sees them making out in the backseat on _Here Comes The Sun_. And she sees them in the middle of nowhere with the stars up in the night sky, Beca stopping the car and urging Chloe out only to put the music as loud as she can before grabbing Chloe and softly singing every word of _And I Love Her_ as they dance in the middle of the deserted road.

What she didn't see was Beca slipping the CD in her bag when they made it home a week later.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chloe debates with herself for a few minutes before putting the CD in the player underneath the TV.

It doesn't come as a surprise when she has to hold her breath as the first notes of the album start playing. And she lets all the memories come back to her, softly swaying from where she's sitting on the ground, sometimes singing along and ignoring the fact that she's still waiting for Beca's voice to join hers.

This time she doesn't cry. And when the last song of the album finishes her eyes are watery but she is smiling.

"I'll be fine," she whispers to herself, laying on the ground of her living room as the CD starts again.

*

"Are you sure about that?" Aubrey asks, putting the cans of paint on the ground.

"Yes," Chloe simply says.

"I still don't understand Chlo. I thought you chose the color when you and Be-" she cuts herself but too late, cringing when she sees Chloe's smile drop. "I'm sorry babe."

"No it's alright you can talk about her. Yeah she let me chose the colors when we redid the apartment. But I need change, I just need the place to feel like mine again," she explains, focusing on opening one of the cans rather than on the lump in her throat. "And look, the paint has faded. We can see where the frames were before, the paint isn't the same color," she says, pointing at the spot where a picture of Beca and her father used to be and feeling the lump grow bigger.

"I get it," Aubrey says, squeezing Chloe's shoulder once before changing the subject. "Jesse told me he'll come help us as soon as he's done with work."

"Is that a good idea?" Chloe asks playfully, grateful that her friend knows how to distract her. "This man is a walking disaster."

"Oh you tell me..." Aubrey laughs, grabbing a paint roller. "Did I tell you about the other night? He came home and I noticed that he had-"

And Chloe is glad that Aubrey's story is keeping her from reliving the last time she painted the apartment. She listens to every word, laughing along when she is supposed to. But despite all of it Beca is still in her back of her mind.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Okay I'll do the top and you do the bottom?" Chloe says, paint roller already in hand.

"Why?" Beca asks, her tone challenging as she puts her hands on her hips in a defiant move.

Chloe has to bite the inside of her cheeks to stop herself from smiling or telling Beca how cute she looks. Instead she just eyes the younger woman up and down.

"Are you really going to make me say it?" She wonders, raising one eyebrow as a smirk makes its way to her lips.

"Fuck you Beale," Beca laughs, grabbing her own paint roller.

"Later babe," Chloe smiles in triumph  at the sight of Beca's blush. "Three years and I still manage to make you blush," she whispers, kissing the smaller woman on the cheek."

"Whatever, get to work," Beca groans, failing to hide the smile that is tugging at her lips.

They are almost done with the second wall, both humming to whatever song is coming from their radio when Beca's snicker makes Chloe look down at her.

"What's up?" she wonders, stopping for a second to wipe the sweat of her forehead.

"Don't you think it's a bit ironic that you're doing the top and I'm doing the bottom?" Beca smirks, apparently proud of herself when Chloe giggles at her bad joke.

"Is it though?" Chloe asks daringly, squinting her eyes with the question.

"Oooooh is that a challenge Beale?" Beca's asks, straightening her back and dropping her paint roller in one of the cans.

"If I win I get to pick the bedroom walls color as well," Chloe says softly, already undoing Beca's shirt.

"Deal," Beca simply says before throwing a laughing Chloe over her shoulder and sprinting to their bedroom where she drops her still giggling girlfriend ungratefully on the bed. "See, I'm not that small," she winks and Chloe's witty retort gets swallowed by an hungry kiss.

*

"So, I was thinking light gray for this wall, and maybe some sort of blue for this one," Chloe thinks out loud, pointing to the walls as Beca groans against her stomach. "Hey! A deal is a deal Becs," she laughs, drawing gentle patterns on Beca's back.

"Can we have a second round?" Beca's pleads against Chloe's skin. "Winner gets the bedroom AND the study."

"Are you sure you're up to it Mitchell?"Chloe wonders, already rolling over to lay in between Beca's legs.

"Bring it Beale."

*

"So, like I was saying, I think gray and blue would be good for the bedroom. Stop groaning Becs and listen."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It takes a few weeks, but Chloe gets better.

The perfume is gone, replaced by the scent of fresh paint. The shelves are occupied by her books and a few decoration pieces that she bought when Aubrey dragged her to IKEA. She rearranged her closet, making sure that the whole space was filled, not leaving any empty shelves or drawers. New pictures are hanging on the walls, pictures of her family and of her smiling friends. The study is back to being a spare room, and Amy is already taking advantage of that (but Chloe is glad for the distraction). She doesn't have the reflex to watch out for shoes in the hallway anymore. She has her own expensive shampoo in the shower (that Amy is stealing). And there are a few new toothbrushes on her sink in case someone wants to sleep over (mostly Amy, you guessed it).

The only problem is that now that Beca is nowhere to be found in the apartment, Chloe finds her on her body. And she doesn't know which one is the hardest to deal with.

*

The most obvious one is her ladybug tattoo.

Chloe's had it for what it feels like forever now. So the redhead doesn't even notice it anymore, it is just a part of her skin like all her scars and freckles.

However, it just takes a shower and a song to make the tattoo feels like a foreign body.

She is feeling like singing country so she puts her speaker on full volume and sings along her favorite country songs of her playlist as hot water runs on her skin.

Chloe is just getting out of the shower and grabbing a towel when _Lady_ b _ug_ by Randy Rogers starts and her eyes snap down, catching the reflection of her wrist in the mirror.

Her fingers trace around the delicate tattoo just as the lyrics of the chorus bring her back more than six years ago.

_Ladybug ladybug, give me some good luck_

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 She is nervously tapping her table with her pencil, eyes on the clock as she waits to start her test.

Chloe had been studying all night, drowning herself in coffee in the morning and dragging her feet to the classroom only to notice that she was an hour early.

There was only one girl in the room with her, clearly studying last minute. Chloe catches herself staring as the girl mutters quietly, reading her notes for the umpteenth time. The redhead snaps out of it when she realizes that she is staring at the girl's lips.

 _Remember, boundaries Chloe_ , she thinks to herself, _only_ _thirty more minutes to go._

The taps on her table become louder and louder without her noticing it, and when the chair next to her gets pulled back she jumps in surprise, dropping her pencil in the process.

"Here," the girl says, grabbing the pencil from the ground and handing it back as she takes a seat next to Chloe.

"Thanks," the redhead mutters, staring into the most fascinating blue eyes she's ever seen. _Boundaries Chloe!_ She repeats to herself, seeing the girl shifting awkwardly on her chair. "Sorry, did you need something?" She asks, trying to focus on something else than the girl's eyes only to discover that every detail of her face is equally fascinating. _The eyes it is then I guess._

"Not really," the girl shrugs, her cheeks still a bit red after catching Chloe's stare. "Your tapping was just keeping me from focusing so I thought that I could come here and we could study for a bit together. This way you have something else to focus on and I can still try and pass that fucking test."

"Oh my god I'm so sorry, I didn't realize it was that bad!" Chloe apologizes.

"It's alright. But, if you could help me now that would be great," the girl smiles nervously.

"Tots," Chloe agrees without thinking about it twice. "I could use some last minute study as well."

"Tots," the girl repeats with a smirk.

Chloe only raises an eyebrow at her, making the girl chuckle.

"Sorry, go on," the girl says, turning the pages of her textbook until she finds the chapter she's looking for.

As the brunette turns the pages Chloe notices something on her forearm.

"Is that a grasshopper?" she asks, gently grabbing the girl's arm to have a closer look. _Well here go the boundaries, well done Chloe_ she thinks when she hears the girl takes a sharp intake of air as their skin touch. "Sorry, it's just that I have a bug tattoo as well!" she explains, rolling her sleeve to show the ladybug on her wrist.

"Oh, that's nice," the girl whispers as she looks down at the tattoo, still visibly flustered by Chloe's lack of personal space.

"I guess we're meant to be friends. We both have a bug tattoo!" Chloe smiles, bringing her hand up for an high five.

"I guess," the girl smirks, high fiving Chloe as she shakes her head with a chuckle.

"What's your name by the way?" Chloe asks, her heart still beating a bit faster than usual after hearing the girl's soft laugh.

"Beca."

"Beca... I like that name," Chloe decides.

"Well I'll thank my father for it later then," Beca says with a small smile on her lips, and Chloe knows right here and there that she is fucked.

They never start studying. They don't notice when other students come into the room. They don't notice when everybody quiets down as the professor enters a few minutes before the test begins. They only stop their discussion when the teacher drops the test in front of them and send a death glare there way.

"Give me some good luck ladybug," Beca whispers, one finger tapping gently on Chloe's wrist with a wink before focusing on the sheet in front of her.

Chloe almost fails the test.

*

Two years later Beca is delicately tracing Chloe's tattoo as they cuddle in bed.

"You know it took me weeks before I had the courage to come and talk to you," she admits in a whisper.

"What? I thought you were just annoyed by my tapping?" Chloe frowns.

"Well, I couldn't focus on studying anyway because we were alone in the same room and you kept looking my way," Beca says with a shrug. "The tapping was just an excuse to come talk to you. I could've just asked you to stop, I didn't have to come over."

"That's true..." Chloe smirks, stopping her caresses on Beca's back to tap her nose. "So little Beca had a crush on me for a few weeks uh? You never told me that."

"More like a huge crush. But I was so awkward back then, I didn't know how I was supposed to talk to you," Beca explains, rolling over to rest her head on Chloe's chest.

"You're still awkward babe," Chloe chuckles.

"Thanks dude I appreciate it," Beca deadpans, her head bobbing up and down as Chloe lets out a laugh.

"I'm glad you came to me. I guess I had a crush on you too, I was always stealing glances your way during class. I guess I was just oblivious back then," Chloe says, her fingers getting lost in Beca's long hair.

"You're still oblivious babe," Beca whispers with a smirk.

"Touché Becs... Touché."

"Anyway," Beca says, grabbing Chloe's wrist again to drop a kiss on the small tattoo. "I think I fell in love with you right when you said we should be friends because we both have a bug tattoos. You were so excited. It's still one of my favorite things you said to me," she admits in a whisper against Chloe's skin.

"Oh wow Beca," Chloe murmurs, not used to Beca being so open about her feelings. "Sorry, I'm just surprised. You never go soft on me like that."

"I know," Beca laughs, bringing her body at Chloe's level so she can drop a kiss on the redhead's lips." I'm trying though. I know it's not always easy to be with me or to understand whatever is going on in my head. But you're so open about everything and I think it's really brave. I'm trying to get on your level."

"Thanks for that baby. I know it doesn't come easy to you," Chloe smiles, leaning in for another kiss.

"Since I'm being mushy and all, I have to tell you something that's been sitting on my chest for a while now," Beca says, looking down at her fingers who are fidgeting around Chloe's wrist.

"Sure babe, tell me."

"I'm going to marry you someday," Beca says simply, eyes staring into Chloe's ocean blue ones.

Chloe feels her breath stop in the middle of her throat, for the first time in her life not finding anything to say.

"I'm not saying anytime soon. It's just... You knew right away that we were going to be friends. It's kind of the same I guess. I just know that I'll marry you," Beca shrugs, eyes still looking for something in Chloe's. "I guess it's the bug tattoos," she smirks, winking when Chloe rolls her eyes at her last phrase. "The ladybug really did give me luck. It tricked you into going out with the stupid awkward grasshopper. I know she'll give me luck the day I ask you for real too."

"You're such a dork," Chloe finally finds her voice, playfully slapping Beca's shoulder as the brunette laughs.

"You do understand what I'm saying though right?" Beca becomes serious again, fingers stopping on Chloe's wrist as she nervously waits for an answer.

"Yes," Chloe nods, wrapping her hand around Beca's forearm as she leans in to kiss the younger woman's lips. "I do."

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Flo don't even start with me..." Chloe rolls her eyes as she locks the dance studio behind their last students before heading to the bench where Flo is wiping the sweat off of her forehead with her shirt.

"What? I'm just saying that this kid has no future in the dance world. Have you seen him compared to the others in the class?" Floe shrugs, her forever impassible voice making Chloe roll her eyes again.

"It's not about who is a good dancer or not Flo, I've been telling you that at least a hundred times," the redhead chuckles, taking her dancing shoes to slip on her snickers. "It's about having fun. Sure he won't be a professional, but who cares. As long as he's enjoying himself that's the most important part. If he feels free while he's dancing in this class that's all that matters to me. I don't care if he can't remember the choreography," she finishes, putting her foot on the bench to lace her shoe.

"Alright, whatever you say boss," Flo concedes, sending a wink Chloe's way to make her understand that she's only teasing her. "Holy shit Chlo!" she exclaims suddenly.

"What?" Chloe stops her movements, expecting Flo to say that someone broke into the studio and is pointing a gun at her.

"I've seen my share of battle scars in my country but that's almost as bad as my uncle's!" Flo says, pointing at Chloe's ankle with what Chloe thinks is an impressed face.

Looking down at the thin but long white lines on both sides of her ankle, Chloe feels the lump in her throat come back.

"Oh yeah," she breathes, her fingers tracing the lines before shaking her head to chase the thought of that night creeping in her head. "It's a really long story."

Flo doesn't ask and Chloe is forever grateful for her friend's intuition.

She still relives the night in her car on the way home.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I hate it."

The air mattress moves under her as Beca plops down heavily, burying her face in one of the pillows.

"We've been here for thirty minutes Becs..." Chloe smirks, dropping a kiss on the back of Beca's neck to make her look up from the pillow.

"Exactly! And we've already had to battle against mosquitoes while trying to put a tent up. Said tent that is supposed to be super easy to put together but still took us twenty minutes to set up and almost made me lose my eye with one of those fucking hoops. I swear to god if I ever see the guy who sold it to us again I'm going to... I'll- I swear I will," Beca groans punching her own hand in an attempt to appear scary.

"Yes? You will?" Chloe giggles, grabbing Beca's fist to drop a kiss on her knuckles.

"I'll probably thank his lying ass for his really good advice," Beca finally smirks, her mood perking up under Chloe's soft eyes. "Because we both know I'm a real pussy."

Beca lets out a small laugh at the sound of Chloe's giggle, lifting herself up on her elbow to look down at the redhead.

"Let's keep that between us though," she winks, letting Chloe push a few stubborn hair out of her eyes.

"Your secret is safe with me," Chloe chuckles, playing with the end of Beca's ponytail. "I know putting up the tent wasn't your favorite activity but we'll have fun this week end I promise."

"Tell me again why we decided to spend our week end camping when we could have gone to a nice hotel near the sea?" Beca narrows her eye, one eyebrow rising ironically.

"Because one of our best friends has opened her own retreat and we want to show her support," Chloe starts, rolling her eyes when Beca mentions her to go on because apparently it isn't good enough of a reason. "And because I actually like camping, and you love me so you'd do anything to make me happy," she finishes with her best innocent smile.

Beca stares at her impassively for a few seconds before sighing dejectedly and burying her face in Chloe's neck.

"What have you done to me woman..." she mumbles against the redhead's skin.

"Come on babe, grab your shoes. Let's check out the hike Aubrey was telling us about," Chloe says, already sitting up to grab her backpack.

"Oh my god that's even worse than the tent."

*

"Chlo?"

"Baby?"

"Chloe?"

"Babe?"

"Whuuuuuuut?" Chloe finally grumbles, almost sure that it is way too early to be waking up.

"I need to pee."

The redhead takes a second to roll over and collect her thoughts, slowly opening her eyes to discover a fidgeting Beca.

"I'm so glad you woke me in the middle of the night to share this piece of information with me babe. But I'm not sure I'm up to try the golden shower experience right now."

"Oh my god shut the fuck up," Beca groans, slapping her shoulder playfully with an disgusted face. "Can you come with me...?" she asks shyly, playing nervously with her sleeping bag.

"What? Beca nooooo it's too cold outside," Chloe moans, putting the sleeping bag up to her nose.

"butimscared," Beca mumbles.

"Uh?" Chloe murmurs, already falling asleep again.

"I said I'm scared," the brunette eventually admits, poking Chloe's cheek with her index finger to keep her from getting back to sleep.

Taking a big inspiration Chloe opens her eyes again, already knowing that she won't resist Beca's pleading puppy eyes.

"I swear to god, you must be the most annoying person on the planet," she groans, getting out of her sleeping bag.

"Nothing that I didn't already know," Beca shrugs, grabbing Chloe's hand as they get out of the tent. "But it's not my fault, Aubrey scared the shit out of me with her stories about bears and traps."

"She was only kidding Becs," Chloe says reassuringly, trying to figure out the way to the bathrooms through her sleepy state.

"Well I saw a guy setting up a trap, so no she wasn't," Beca argues. "Are you sure this is the right way?"

"We're just taking a short cut."

"Aubrey said we should stay on the path because of the-"

"Becs don't worry okay. They're not stupid enough to put a trap between t-"

She hears the loud snap before feeling the sharp pain in her ankle.

Beca voices exactly what goes through her mind.

"Fuck."

*

"Beca slow down."

"You're losing a shit ton of blood in my car and you're telling me to fucking slow down?!"

"It's not that bad Becs, I'll be alright," Chloe says calmly. "But I'm not sure I will be if we get into a car accident. We both know how good of a driver you are," she chuckles. "And please stop swearing at me you know I don't like it when it's not in our bedroom."

"Are you really making jokes right now?" Beca whimpers taking a sharp turn.

"Relax babe, you're making me nervous," she sighs, grabbing Beca's hand on the gearshift.

"Sorry I can't help it. My girlfriend just stepped into a bear trap and is bleeding half to death," the brunette squeals.

"I knew I should've driven instead of the drama queen," Aubrey's voice comes from the backseat.

"I thought I told you that you lost your right to talk when you decided that putting a bear trap between our tent and the toilets was a good idea?" Beca glares at her in the rearview mirror.

"She doesn't mean it Aubrey," Chloe says, squeezing Beca's hand and frowning at the brunette when Beca opens her mouth to retort. "I said you don't mean it."

Aubrey makes a whipping sound when Beca closes her mouth with a pout and Chloe is glad that the hospital is right around the corner.

*

"It's my fault."

Chloe lifts her eyes from her phone to see Beca staring at her bandaged ankle.

"What are you talking about?" she asks, putting her phone back on the nightstand.

"If I didn't wake you up we wouldn't be here."

"Come on Beca don't say that. I could have gone to the toilets by myself and step on it, or you could have stepped on it. It's nobody's fault. If anything I should have pay attention to where I was walking," Chloe says softly, patting the bed next to her to invite Beca in.

They immediately mold their bodies together,  arms and legs getting intertwined, making Chloe chuckle when she sees Beca try to be extremely careful with her right ankle.

"I'm okay. Don't beat yourself too much, it really wasn't your fault. And the doctor said I got really lucky that the trap was dysfunctional. It's just a flesh wound babe, " she whispers, kissing Beca's nose before pressing their foreheads together.

"You scared the hell out of me," Beca sighs, almost getting cross-eyed as she gazes into Chloe's baby blue orbs.

"I'm sorry," Chloe giggles.

"It's not funny," Beca whimpers, nevertheless smiling shyly at the sound of Chloe's laugh.

"It's a bit funny though..." Chloe shrugs with a smile. "I'll probably get a badass scar. And it's going to make one hell of a story to tell our kids. "

Her heart stops when she hears herself speak, and when Beca doesn't move or speak she considers blaming everything on the pain killers.

"Yeah... that will be one hell of a story to tell," Beca simply repeats, a light pink coloring her cheeks as a timid smile Chloe has never seen before graces her lips.

"Yeah?" Chloe murmurs, knowing Beca will catch the real question behind it.

"Yeah," Beca breathes, kissing Chloe lightly on the lips but her hands grasping for dear life on the redhead's shirt.

They don't say anything for a while, just staring at each other like two teenagers falling in love for the first time.

"I do have to say though..." Beca begins, one eyebrow rising slowly on her forehead as a grin makes its way on her lips. "I officially know that I hate camping."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It takes a month for Chloe to call Beca.

They meet in what used to be their favorite breakfast place, and the familiar waitress's smile flatters a little when she sees Beca rise from her seat to greet Chloe with an awkward hug.

The tension is almost tangible between them as they exchange the formal 'how have you been' question and try to fill the heavy silence with small talk about work.

"I've missed you," Beca murmurs once the waitress has left their cups of coffee in front of them.

Chloe watches as her blue eyes slowly rise from the hot cup to meet Chloe's orbs, nothing but sadness swimming behind her pupils.

"I've missed you too," she manages to choke in a whisper, stopping herself when her hand starts to slide towards Beca's. " Thank you for giving me time."

"It was hard," Beca bites her bottom lip, making it hard for Chloe to swallow back her tears at the sight of her watery eyes. "You have no idea how much time I've spent staring at your name on my phone."

"I'm sorry," is all Chloe manages to whisper for a few seconds. "I didn't know what to say or what to do. Everything is so complicated Becs."

And she knows that Beca understands her, because all of her inner struggles are mirrored in Beca's blurry eyes.

"It's alright. We're here now," Beca says simply, offering a small smile over her cup of coffee and it's all it takes for the tension to clear up.

 "Yeah, we are," Chloe says, feeling the lump in her throat getting smaller as the tears in Beca's eyes disappear to let place to a mischievous glint that she knows how to well.

"Barb still doesn't know how to make good coffee," Beca whispers with a wink.

Her own giggle surprises Chloe as she hasn't heard the sound come from her mouth in what feels like forever.

"I know," she nods."I still wonder why we kept coming here."

"Meh," Beca shrugs.

And it feels like everything is back to what it used to be.

The share a light conversation, snickering when the waitress  passes their table and exchanging puns about pastries.

For a moment Chloe forgets why they are here, what happened, what might be after their next conversation, she forgets she's not supposed to keep falling in love with Beca.

Unfortunately, Beca clears her throat nervously when a small silence falls on their table and the lump is back in Chloe's throat.

It's hard. The whole conversation is. Seeing Beca fight her tears is. Trying to explain her point without crying is. Fighting the urge to take Beca in her arms is. Everything is terribly hard.

They manage to go through their feelings, the conversation somehow finding what seems to be a positive end for them both. They manage to find closure, yet Chloe feels like a part of her has been ripped out of her chest, leaving a deep hollow in its place.

They leave a huge tip to Barb, and the waitress's compassionate look makes Chloe want to vomit even though she knows the young woman meant well.

Standing in front of the café they find themselves gazing into each other eyes, Beca's blue orbs a shade lighter as if their color had been washed-out by her unshed tears.

"Why did you leave the CD?" Chloe murmurs all of the sudden, the question escaping her lips just as Beca takes a step forward to hug her goodbye.

"Um," Beca stumbles for a moment, but Chloe knows from the sound of it that Beca knows what she's talking about. "Honestly... I thought you might need it more than I do."

It  makes her eyes tingle again, because Beca knows that she only deals with hard situations with music and the brunette had left the CD on purpose knowing that it will help her go through grief. Chloe watches closely as Beca opens and closes her mouth, clearly hesitating to say her next sentence.

"And to be completely honest it was also a selfish move. I didn't want you to forget me, or what we had," Beca eventually whispers. " I wanted to see if you still wanted me to be a part of your life. Because that day you said that your didn't want anything that would make you think of me. Almost as though you were trying to erase me completely. But now I know it's not true, otherwise you would have given me the CD  back today."

Her body moves before her mind has time to catch up. Her arms circling Beca's shoulders as she buries her face in the crook of Beca's neck, feeling like she can breathe again when she feels Beca's soft exhales against the skin of her neck.

"Of course I want you in my life Beca. No matter what is going on between us," she murmurs against soft skin, a tear rolling down her cheek when she feels Beca grasps her shirt, a muffled sob in her neck making Chloe shiver. "Always."

*

The month and a half it takes after their break up to find themselves at the same party seems extremely long on one hand, their group of friends usually finding whatever reason to throw a random party, and terribly short on the other hand for Chloe who doesn't know if she is ready for it. She knows that the last time they separated felt right, that they succeeded in keeping their friendship as unaffected as they could and that their reunion around friends is bound to happen. Yet she doesn't know if she is ready to face Beca in a room filled with their best friends getting drunk.

Amy is already five shots deep, Jesse is already four shots deep, Jessica is already three shots deep, and Aubrey is trying her best to get Chloe at two shots deep.

"Come on Chlo, you'll be glad I made you took that shot when she shows up," Aubrey bumps her ribs with her elbow. "Liquid of courage they say."

"I don't need any liquid of courage of any kind Brey," Chloe sighs, eyes wandering on the room full of people, her heart already fluttering at the thought of catching the first glimpse of Beca. "I told you we're alright. We talked, while sober," she points out as Aubrey takes her second shot of the night. "You know, like grownups do. And even though I know we worked things through and that there's no reason for us to be awkward around each other, I still think it's a bad idea for me to get drunk tonight. I'll just hold off tonight," she explains for what seems to be the hundredth time.

"Okay, I understand that. And I believed you when you first said it," Aubrey answers. "But you're getting more and more tense by the minutes Chlo. You can lie to yourself but not to me. I just thought that a little alcohol might help you to loosen up a bit," she shrugs.  "And you're right, there's no reason for it to be awkward. It's clear that you still both love each other, maybe not like you used to but you still care. So please relax babe."

"I'm trying," Chloe rolls her shoulders, cracking her neck before murmuring "fuck it" and taking one of the shots on the table next to them and sending some bitter liquid down her throat.

"That's my girl," Aubrey laughs out loud, squeezing Chloe's shoulders compassionately when Chloe grimaces at the taste.

Chloe is shaking her head with an amused smile, slapping Aubrey's hand away playfully, when she sees Amy making a bee line towards them.

"Woop," she whispers. "There it isssss..." she finishes with what Chloe thinks is supposed to be her mysterious face before heading out of the room again.

Chloe just has the time to wonder what that was supposed to be that Beca steps in the living room, eyes clearly searching for something.

She feels everyone of their friends take in a sharp breath at the same time as she does when Beca's eyes finally fall on the redhead, the atmosphere in the room shifting dramatically.

There's a beat when they simply look at each other, the memory of their last conversation hanging freely in the air between them.

Then Beca smiles and covers the space in a few long strikes, arms finding their way around Chloe's waist naturally.

"Hey," she whispers.

"Hey," Chloe murmurs back, feeling the air finally coming back into her lungs just as every person in the room sighs in relief.

"Alright Mitchell, you're way behind," Aubrey annouces when both women eventually let go of each other, handing a beer and a shot to Beca.

From across the room Chloe spots Amy and Jesse fist bumping happily, and she swears to god her friends are too good for them. Or too stupid.

*

After cheering with Aubrey and Chloe, Beca excuses herself to go greet their other friends. And that's the only time they find themselves in the same group of people.

Chloe knows they're not avoiding each other, but they are not necessarily seeking each other either.

However, she catches herself looking for Beca more times than she would like, tuning out whatever the person she's talking to is saying for a few seconds before snapping out of it and focusing on the conversation again. And sometimes, when her eyes find Beca, the brunette is already looking at her. The first time it happens her heart stops as Beca sends a shy smile her way before responding to the person she's talking with, eyes leaving Chloe's and making the redhead feel all alone in the room filled with people. And it happens again and again, her heart fluttering each time she catches Beca looking for her or smiling her way.

"Incoming Chloe," Amy cuts in the middle of their conversation a few hours later before leaving her standing alone with a deep frown on her face trying to figure out what is wrong with this woman.

"Hey stranger," comes a soft voice behind her a few seconds later and she almost chokes on air.

"Hey again," she manages to say without stumbling as she turns around to face Beca, congratulating herself internally for not sounding weird.

"Amy's still not good at being subtle is she?" Beca chuckles , pointing her beer to the blond woman who is hiding behind a plant a few meters from them.

"We were never good at finding friends who aren't weirdos," Chloe responds with a smile.

"Well, I guess birds of a feather flock together," Beca shrugs before taking a sip from her beer.

"What are you, a fifty year old man?" Chloe laughs after hearing the old proverb.

If she thought her heart was fluttering when they were stealing glances at each other from across the room, it is now feeling like it is going to beat out of her chest when she sees Beca chokes on her beer before laughing loudly, her eyes never leaving Chloe's now that they are face to face. And Chloe isn't feeling alone anymore as long as blue orbs stay with her.

"Yeah I hated myself as soon as I said it," Beca chuckles.

They are not bothered by the loud music coming from the speakers, as their drunk friends put the volume up and start dancing in the middle of the living room, singing on top of their lungs to whatever song is on.

They are not bothered either when Jesse screams "All right! Time to show your sick Twist moves my loves!"

However, when he hits play, Beca's voice flatters as _Twist And Shout_ starts playing loudly. Chloe's eyes drop to Beca's lips before she can think about it and Beca stops talking mid phrase when she notices it.

Chloe curses herself in her head as her eyes snap up to Beca's blue pupils, trying her hardest not to stare as Beca traps her bottom lip in between her teeth as a light blush makes its way up her neck.

All their efforts to ignore the tension and awkwardness flying off the windows as memories swim between them along the upbeat notes. Memories so vivid that Chloe wonders if she could grasp them if she lifted her hand in the space between them.

"Are you ready?"

Chloe can't fight the urge to look down at Beca's lips again, trying to catch the whisper above the loud singing of their friends.

"What?" and just as she asks, the memory of Beca saying the exact same thing in the middle of the road a few years ago as the music was playing loudly slaps her in the face.

And Beca does it.

She starts dancing along the song, biting her lip exaggeratedly as she wiggles her hips and kicks her legs every now and then.

Chloe's laugh scratches her throat deliciously and she has to cover her eyes when Beca turns around, swaying her hips even more furiously.

"Stop it, you massive dumbass," Chloe manages to choke in her laughter. "Oh my god I didn't think I'd see that twice in my life," she wipes a happy tear as Beca faces her again.

"Crushed it," Beca rasps, laughing along Chloe when the redhead slaps her shoulder playfully.

And everything feels okay again.

*

"I can give you a ride if you want," Chloe hears herself say, mentally punching the idiot inside that made her voice her thought out loud.

"Are you really driving?" Beca asks with a frown, looking up from her phone and stopping her attempt to book an Uber. "Haven't you been drinking?"

"I stopped hours ago," Chloe says. "I was just nursing a beer for the last two hours."

"Oh I see," Beca responds, eyes looking in Chloe's as if she is looking for something behind blue orbs. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah sure, it's whatever," Chloe assures, glad that her voice isn't betraying her.

"Well if you really don't mind..." Beca puts her phone in her purse as she lets the end of her sentence hang in the air, giving the redhead one last chance to take the offer back.

"Aws'," Chloe simply says before walking towards her car.

"Yeah aws'," she hears Beca snickers from behind.

"Stop making fun of me," Chloe childishly stick out her tongue as she unlocks her car before taking a seat behind the wheel.

"I would never," Beca answers while buckling her seatbelt.

The ride is silent for the most part, both of them humming to the song filling the car, and soon enough they stop in front of Stacie's building, the silence suddenly becoming heavy.

"So," Beca says, fidgeting with her seatbelt. "Stacie is staying at Aubrey's tonight, she said something about getting up early to organize Aubrey's bachelorette party tomorrow."

"Oh that's cool," Chloe rasps, trying to look everywhere but into Beca's eyes. "I can't wait for the wedding."

"Yeah, same here," Beca responds awkwardly, still struggling with her seatbelt. "Oh my god what the f-"

"You're such a child," Chloe laughs, successful unbuckling Beca's seatbelt on her first try. "You know you have to be gentle with this baby," she says, stroking the front of her car.

"Yeah yeah yeah, we both know this car's always hated me," Beca grumbles. "Anyway, if you want to come up for a drink or something, it's alright. We don't have to worry about making too much noise or anything," Beca finally says nervously, and Chloe knows how hard it must have been for the brunette to ask.

"Um," Chloe stumbles.

"It's just.. I really enjoyed talking with you again tonight. So yeah, you know..." Beca hastens to say when she hears the hesitation in Chloe's voice. "And like I told you, I miss you dude. So... I mean I wouldn't mind talking for a bit longer," she finishes, the hope in her eyes breaking Chloe's heart all over again.

"Becs we shouldn't..." Chloe whispers.

"Oh," Beca sighs, her shoulders slumping. "Yeah sure you're right. It's actually pretty late. You must be exhausted. I'll just-" she mumbles quickly, already opening the car door.

"I miss you too Becs," Chloe's soft voice makes Beca stops her movement, her head turning slowly to face Chloe's sad eyes. "And I'm really happy we got to spend some time together tonight. But I don't think it would be a good idea for me to-"

"I get it Chlo," Beca cuts her softly, putting her hand on Chloe's to give it a gentle squeeze. "I really do. I shouldn't have asked in the first place, that was pretty stupid of me."

"No it wasn't," Chloe frowns, flipping her hand to lace her fingers with Beca's.

"Maybe another time?" Beca asks, thumb tracing Chloe's knuckles.

"Yeah," Chloe nods, smile flattering a little when Beca detaches their hands to step out of the car.

"I'll see you later?" she asks, leaning on the car door.

"I'll text you," Chloe assures.

"Goodnight Chlo."

"Night Becs."

She watches Beca until she disappears behind the front door.

*

She doesn't know what makes her do it.

Chloe is pretty sure she's blacked out for ten minutes and just woke up as her hand made contact with a front door.

"For fuck's sake Stace, what do you usually do when you forget your keys and there is no one-" Beca swings the door open, her mouth falling at the sight of the redhead. "-home? Um hey?"

"Hey?" Chloe repeats on the same uncertain tone, her brain screaming at her to figure out why she is here.

"Are you okay?" Beca asks worryingly at the sight of Chloe's face, her hands grabbing Chloe's shoulders gently.  "You look really pale."

"I don't know why I came here," Chloe answers honestly, her heart beating furiously in her throat.

"Oh," Beca murmurs, hands dropping from Chloe's shoulders to hang awkwardly on her sides. "Well I told you could come up for a chat if you wanted. So nothing to worry about."

"What are we doing Beca?"

Beca's eyes fall on her lips to try and catch Chloe's whispered question, and the redhead tries her hardest to swallow the lump that appears in her throat.

"I know what I'm doing," Beca decides to say, and Chloe is glad she is not pretending not to know what the redhead is talking about. "I told you I wouldn't stop fighting babe," Chloe's jaw locks at the pet name, feeling her legs take a step closer to Beca against her own will. "But I can't tell you what _you're_ doing," Beca whispers, now a few inches away from Chloe's face. "What are you doing?"

Once again her body acts before her mind can catch up, and the next thing she knows Beca is grabbing her hips and kissing her back hungrily.

"Fuck Becs," she groans between deep kisses as the brunette pulls her in the apartment.

"I know," is all Beca says before carrying the redhead to the nearest couch.

*

She leaves before Beca wakes up.

*

"What the fuck Chloe?" Aubrey and Stacie shout at the same time when the redhead shows up at the blond's apartment in the same clothes she wore the night before.

"I know I'm feel horrible. I'm disgusting," Chloe sobs in Aubrey's neck. "What was I thinking?"

"I have to go home to Beca. I'm sorry Chlo, I would stay with you but I have to make sure she's okay. You've got someone and she's all alone there," Stacie murmurs, already grabbing her coat. "You got Chloe covered?" she asks Aubrey.

"Yeah, go," Aubrey nods, rubbing Chloe's back comfortingly.

"Can you tell her I'm sorry?" Chloe asks in between strangled sobs.

"No," Stacie simply says as she puts on her shoes. "I love you honey, but you need to figure your shit out on your own. I'd say the same thing to Beca."

"You're right," Chloe sniffles, forever grateful for her friends who are not afraid to call her out when she messes up. "Just makes sure she's okay."

"I'll try my hardest," Stacie promises before dropping a kiss on the redhead's cheek. "Don't beat yourself too much. We're all human, we make mistakes. Love you."

"I wish I didn't make this one," Chloe murmurs as Stacie starts walking to the front door. "I fucked up so bad Aubrey."

"I know...But what is done is done babe. You can't do anything about it now," Aubrey states.

"That's not making me feel any better," Chloe groans, wiping the last tears of her cheek.

"You didn't come here for me to lie to you," Aubrey shrugs. "And you already knew that anyway."

"True..." the redhead sighs. "What am I going to do Aubrey?"

"I can't tell you that," Aubrey tells her. "Why did you do it?"

"I don't know," Chloe sighs, passing her hand in her hair.

"No Chlo, why did you do it? Was it just a 'let's fuck one last time so we can have closure' kind of thing or something else? You have to know that if you want to figure everything out," Aubrey pushes gently.

"I- It's just-" Chloe stumbles. "I miss her," she finally admits.

Aubrey doesn't say anything, she just watches patiently as her friend tries to collect her thoughts, waiting for her to go on.

"At first I really thought that breaking up was what I wanted, what I needed. But I'm not that sure anymore," Chloe admits with a frown. "And I hate myself for it, I hate how indecisive I am. I hate how whiny and annoying I sounds, and how I'm hurting Beca in the process. It seems like I'm playing with her, but my doubts are just getting the best of me. I'm not trying to find any excuses for myself, because what I'm doing to her and to us is unforgivable," Chloe chokes. "I'm used to be sure of what I want, to be confident in my choices. But this situation is fucking me up, I'm getting lost in my own head and doubts. And when I saw her again, she managed to make everything feel right. Like nothing was wrong between us. Like we were the same as before, like nothing had changed in between us. She made me forget about it all. And it only makes me doubt even more."

"What are you doubting on?" Aubrey asks.

"I'm wondering if I made the right choice when I pushed her away. If we could've make it work otherwise. And then I think that maybe I'm just grieving still. Because you can't get over a five years relationship with a snap of your fingers. And maybe my doubts will go away eventually and I'll realize that it really was the right choice, and I was too heartbroken after our separation to really see it," Chloe explains, nervously playing with the aim of her dress. "But then Beca just dances in a room and makes me laugh, and makes me feel loved and important, and all my doubts just come back to slap me in the face."

"Do you doubt your love for her?" Aubrey wonders softly, pushing a lock of hair out of Chloe's face.

"No. Of course not, I will always love her," Chloe answers without hesitating.

"Are you still in love with her?"

The whispered question makes the tears come back, pooling in her blue eyes as she opens and closes her mouth, trying to find the right answer.

"Yes," she breathes after a few seconds, a tear rolling down her cheek.

Aubrey circles her arms around her shoulders right when a soft sob escapes her lips, letting Chloe cry against her chest.

"I think you already have all the answers to your doubts honey," the blond whispers in her hair.

"But I messed up so bad Aubrey," Chloe swallows hardly. "I don't know if we will ever be the same after what I did."

"There is only one way to know," Aubrey states, her thumbs wiping Chloe's tears away.

*

**_I'm so sorry._ **

Chloe texts that evening.

**_I know._ **

*

For a week Chloe tries calling. Unsuccessfully.

With every unanswered call her anxiety grows and by the end of the week she finds herself staring at her phone for what feels like hours straight without moving, her thoughts going a hundred miles an hour.

On Friday night she finally receives a text, and the breath she takes while reading it feels like the first she's had in days.

**_I'm so sorry I didn't call you back. I meant to but it's been crazy at the studio. I feel like an asshole, I hope you'll forgive me for not giving any news. But Emily's album is dropping this Sunday and I haven't had a minute to myself outside of sleeping._ **

Beca apologizing for not saying anything feels wrong, because she would have every right not to want to talk to Chloe. But knowing that she still wants to lifts the heavy weight off Chloe's shoulders.

**_No need to apologize. But I'm glad to hear from you. Good luck with the album, can't wait to hear it._ **

She responds, debating with herself before sending a second text.

**_I couldn't be more relieved to hear from you after everything._ **

Beca reads the text but doesn't answer.

*

She is almost ready to fall asleep, the clock creeping close to midnight, when her phone buzzes with the notification of a new email.

_EmilyJunk.mp3_

_I wanted you to be one of the first people to hear it. Emily said it was okay for you to have it before it gets release. You've helped us a lot on this project and you put up with my sleepless nights and high stress level when I was working on it. Hope you'll like it._

_Love,_

_Beca_

All thoughts of sleep are kicked out of her mind in an instant as she grabs her headphones.

She has heard the songs before, or what they used to be. But the final result makes her beam with pride. Her eyes watering from happiness for Beca and Emily.

As she reads the credits for every songs attached to the email her smiles grows bigger, the name of her ex-girlfriend under the **Producer** title and next to Emily's name under **Lyrics**.

**_It's so good Becs. I'm only halfway through but I can already tell that it is going to be a big hit. It still amazed me how talented you are._ **

Chloe can't help but text as the soft beat of one of Emily's song vibrates against her eardrums.

The text remains unread as the songs pass, one after the other, always getting better than the previous one. The text remains unread but her smile keeps growing to the point that her cheeks start hurting and her eyes tingles with tears of pride.

That is only until the last song comes on and she frowns a little when she ears the sad tone to it, unlike the happy vibe that the other songs were giving.

**Broken Man**

She read in the credits.

**Lyrics: Beca Mitchell**

_Hi_  
Will you pick me off the floor?  
I didn't want  
You to see me like this  
Since you didn’t wanna see me anymore  
  
Goodbye  
Will I see you again?  
What a terrible question  
But it’s coming from a broken man

 

Tears start pooling in Chloe's eyes as Emily's soft voice resonates in her whole body, without her really knowing why. Chloe feels oddly close to the song without having heard it before. Like she's been listening to it for a long time, almost on loop for a few weeks.

  
_I never want you to come home  
Never want you to come home with me again_

 

Emily's voice gets drown when Chloe realizes that Beca is doing the backups. Chloe presses the headphones closer in her ears, only listening to Beca as the brunette's soft voice sings what the redhead had said over a month ago.

  
_I never want you to come home_  
Never want you to come home with me again  


And everything becomes clear all of the sudden. She hasn't heard the song before because Beca just wrote it. She wrote it after having her heart broken. She wrote it with all the feelings that she couldn't express directly to Chloe.

  
_Hope_  
What a wonderful thing  
’Til it blinds you  
And you’re left holding onto a dream  
  
Time  
Got me twisted again  
I’m hearing voices  
And they’re telling me that this is the end

 

Her tears start falling freely as the chorus comes again, muffling her sobs in the pillow she's holding against her.

  
_I never want you to come home_  
Never want you to come home with me again  
I never want you to come home  
Never want you to come home with me again

 

The song plays on loop in her ears, Beca's voice and feelings stabbing Chloe in the chest as she finally understands what Beca has been going through. What she had to live without being able to speak to Chloe, without being able to express all of her feelings and only finding an outlet in this song. Finally Chloe hears what Beca has been wanting to say all along without finding the right words when they spoke at the café.

If Chloe deals with her problems by listening to music, Beca deals with them by writing it. And with this song, both their ways come clashing together, the hollow in her chest growing bigger every time Beca's genuine feelings rip Chloe's heart.

*

She falls asleep, her crying exhausting her, with the song cradling her dreams.

*

Chloe wakes up completely lost, taking a few seconds to look at her surroundings before looking down to the source of her brutal awaking.

**Em Junk**

Her phone reads, vibrating furiously next to her pillow.

"Hello," she rasps deeply, her throat sore from the night before.

"Hey Chlo, sorry am I waking you up?" Emily jittery voice flies to her ears.

"Yeah but no worries, I would have been awake soon anyway," Chloe lies, rubbing her puffy eyes. "Beca sent me your album last night, it's amazing Em. I'm so proud of you," Chloe says. "The both of you," she adds in a whisper. "I know how hard you've worked on it. And the final result is amazing, I can't wait to see you snatch a few Grammys."

"Don't jinx it!" Emily laughs softly in the phone. "But thanks, it means a lot coming from you. I'm really glad you like it."

"Are you nervous?" Chloe asks, hearing the extra bit of excitement in the already forever excited girl's voice.

"You have no idea..." Emily sighs. "I can't wait for tomorrow. It's been a long time coming, I just want to know what people think now."

"Everybody's going to love it Em. And fuck those who don't. You're music is great, don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

"Thanks Chlo," Emily chuckles. "Um, so I was calling about music actually," she says, her tone all of the sudden serious.

"Yeah sure, tell me," Chloe frowns, taken back by the young woman's tone.

"Well, see there was this song that was supposed to be on the album. It was supposed to be a surprise... For you actually. Beca wrote it."

"Oh," is all Chloe finds herself responding.

"Yeah..." Emily murmurs. "And um... with everything that happened, she thought that we should take it out of the album. And the record argued with that, because they didn't really care about her private life but I managed to convince them. It's her song and I'll always respect her choices when it comes to her music."

"I see," Chloe whispers. "That's really brave of you to face the record like that. You're a good friend Em."

"Don't speak to fast. 'Cause um..." Emily stumbles, clearly nervous. "Even though Beca doesn't want the song out I thought that you needed to hear it. And Beca would probably kill me if she knew it, but I had my assistant drop a flash drive  in your mailbox this morning. You'll find the song on it."

"Emily..." Chloe starts, her heartbeat going faster at the thought. "Are you sure i-"

"It's Beca's version, not mine," Emily cuts her softly. "It's the first demo. Because no matter how hard we worked on it, we never managed to make something better. And I really think you need to hear it. You need to hear her."

"Emily," Chloe whispers again, at loss of words.

"The ball is in your court now. I just think that you should hear it. Now you can just trash it and forget that I ever told you anything. But once again, I really think you should listen to it."

There's a small silence between them, Chloe trying to process the new information as her heart pounds in her ears.

"Anyway," Emily says gently. "Thanks for your support while we were making the album. You have no idea how much you've helped us. And thank you for your kind words about my music. I really appreciate it."

"Thanks Em," Chloe finally finds her voice again. "For everything. And good luck with the launch tomorrow."

"Thanks babe. Love you!"

"Love you too."

*

Chloe puts the flash drive on top of the mails she got today and she tries her hardest not to look at it for too long, her throat tightening every time she catches a glimpse of it.

Her day goes by in the flash, her few classes of the day going smoothly. Only Flo notices that her movements are more sloppy, and gives her a pointy look when she gets stuck in her head not hearing the students questions directed at her.

"Alright, let's wrap for today kids. Good work this week. Keep practicing and we'll see you next time!"

Chloe snaps out of her thoughts at Flo's voice, coming back on earth in time to clap along with the students and trying her best to smile encouragingly at them.

"What's up with you today girl?" Flo asks as they pack their bags.

"Nothing," Chloe manages to lie, avoiding her friend's eyes at all cost as she laces her shoes.

"You know you can talk to me right?" Flo puts a comforting hands on her shoulder, squeezing once to make Chloe understand that she's not fooling anyone.

"I know Flo, thanks for that," Chloe finally looks up at the brunette, managing to smile despite her tight throat.

"Okay," Flo doesn't push, her smile changing from compassionate to devilish. "You still up for tonight right?"

"What's tonight?" Chloe frowns as she puts her bag on her shoulder.

"We're supposed to get drinks with Chicago and Theo," Flo reminds her with an eye roll. "It's teachers monthly drinking night."

"Oh no is it today?" Chloe sighs heavily.

"Yes!" Flo exclaims. "Come on we barely see those guys and we work together. We always have fun when we catch up."

"I don't know Flo, I'm pretty tired."

"I mean you don't have to go. I guess it means that Theo and I automatically regain the beer pong champions title," Flo shrugs as they walk outside.

"That's no fair..." Chloe chuckles.

"I won't force you to come," Flo starts as they approach her car. "But I think one drink won't hurt. Just come and say hi, I know you miss them too."

"Arrrgh," Chloe groans. "One drink!" She points her finger warningly at her friend.

"Great, see you later boo."

*

One drink becomes two. And becomes three. And becomes... She's lost count.

And that how she drunkenly finds herself spilling her thoughts at an equally drunk Chicago.

"What do you think I should do?" Chloe whines.

"Honestly..." Chicago begins before sipping his beer. "I'd listen to it."

"But that's not fair. If she wanted me to listen to it she would have sent it herself. Or she would have told me about it," Chloe sighs. "I feel like I'm disrespecting her if I listen to it. It's really private, I don't want to intrude her thoughts and feelings like that."

"You're not wrong," Chicago nods. "But I'll tell you something. I found a letter with my name on Theo's desk back when we were only roommates. And at first I debated about opening or not. Because I felt exactly the way you're feeling right now. I didn't want to violate his privacy."

"What did you do?" Chloe asks quietly.

"I asked him about it," Chicago says simply.

"What?" Chloe frowns.

"I asked him about it," the dance teacher repeats with a smirk. "I called him, and told him what I found. At first he was panicking a bit asking if I had opened it. When I told him that I didn't he calmed down and thanked me for it. Then I asked him if he would ever give it to me or if I should forget about it. After a while he said that I could open it if I wanted. It was a beautiful letter about is feelings for me. And here we are three years later, more in love than ever."

"Wow..." Chloe murmurs, looking over at Theo and Flo fighting over their darts game. "I didn't know that."

"Yeah," Chicago shrugs. "What I'm trying to say is that if I never asked about it he might have never had the courage to give me the letter, or to tell me about his feelings. And if I had opened the letter without asking first he might have been hurt and felt betrayed and we might have lost our chance to be together."

"What are you saying exactly..." Chloe finds herself asking in a whisper.

"I think you should tell Beca that you have the track, but you're waiting for her approval before listening to it. If she tells you to go for it, I think you should listen to it. And if she tells you to trash it, then respect her and trash it. Either way you'll stay honest to her, and you never know what might come out of it. You've danced around each other for too long now Chlo, it's time to own up to your relationship and not be afraid to talk."

Chloe takes a second to process his words, a mix of anxiety and excitement building in the pit of her stomach.

"Theo is lucky to have you," Chloe finally says, offering a warm smile to her friend.

"I know," Chicago smiles back, his eyes looking over Chloe's shoulder to watch the other man with so much love swimming behind his pupils it makes the lump comes back in Chloe's throat as she remembers watching the same thing happen in Beca's eyes.

"Thank you," she murmurs genuinely when his eyes come back to her. "I needed to hear all of that."

"Any time boss."

*

Chloe has sobered up when Chicago drops her at her apartment, murmuring a good luck in their hug before kissing her cheek and leaving her alone to figure out what to do now.

Pacing around her living room table at two in the morning was not the way she imagined her Saturday night going. But her phone screen has been showing her unread texts for a few minutes on the table, and she waits nervously for the three dots to appear as she reads and re-reads her messages.

**_Hey Becs. First of all, the album is amazing. You had me dancing, smiling, singing along and crying. I'm so proud of you and Emily. All the hard work you've put into this album can be felt, and it's nothing but beautiful._ **

**_Emily called me this morning to tell me that she had a song that was supposed to be on the album and she thought I should listen to it. Your song. So, I have the track, but I haven't listened to it yet. I want to know what you think first. If you want me to throw it away and never ask about it ever again, I will. And if you want me to listen to it, I will._ **

**_The decision is yours, I'll wait for it. xoxo_ **

It takes a few minutes, and a few bitten nails, before the dots appear.

Chloe rushes to her phone, almost dropping it as she grabs it in a hurry. Her eyes never leave the three dots, appearing and disappearing as Beca seems to debate on her answer.

Eventually a text pops up, and her heart drops.

 **_Thanks for telling me. I wrote it for you, so it's only fair that you get to hear it. However I'm not sure I'm ready to hear what you have to say about it yet. I'd appreciate it if you kept your thoughts to yourself for now_ ** _. **It still hurt to think about the song, and all that happened between us after I wrote it. So please give me time.**_

It feels bittersweet to read the text. Because even if Beca gave her the green light, deep down Chloe knows that Beca is not actually ready to share the song with her yet. If she was she would have told Chloe about it herself, or she would have just said that it was okay to listen to it without any conditions. They might not be together anymore, but Chloe still knows Beca by heart. And what she reads in Beca's text is that she is too afraid, or too polite to admit that she doesn't want Chloe to listen to it yet, or maybe ever.

**_I won't listen to it until you're ready Beca. Because it doesn't seem right to do so if you're still not comfortable about it. And because I don't trust myself to listen to it without saying anything about it after. I'll wait for you, like you waited for me._ **

She puts the flash drive in her bedtime table, on top of the picture of Beca she hided there, not strong enough to throw the portrait she took a few years ago away. As she turns off the light in her bedroom her phone lights up with a text.

**_Thank you._ **

*

Chloe discovers herself in the month that follows those texts.

She learns who she is outside of a relationship. The tight throat, the lump, the hollow in her chest, the tears grow easier to deal with and at some point they only come to bother her every now and then. She starts appreciating spending time on her own, going to restaurants or the movies on her own, or just spending time in the park nearby to read. She sees her friends more often as well, feeling her smile and laugh come back to what they once were. Beca is still there of course, and sometimes she finds herself caught in happy memories, but it gets easier. The hollow in her chest gets smaller.

It starts getting easier once they talk about what happens between them after the party, and how they really feel about the break up now that they have had time to reflect on it.

They meet a few days after Emily releases her album.

"Hey you," Chloe whispers in their embrace, her breath getting shorter when Beca wraps her arm tightly around her waist.

"Hey," Beca says back.

"Thanks for coming, I know it must be crazy for you these days," Chloe says as she seats down on 'their' usual bench at the park near her apartment.

"Well, my work is mostly done now. It's getting crazy for Em though," Beca nods. "Have you seen that she is already trending on every streaming platform?"

"No way?" Chloe eyes grow big in surprise. "That's amazing!"

"Yeah!" Beca's smile spreads to her eyes. "Her first EP was already quite a success. And I think that the fan base that has been following her since then and has kept growing were just waiting for it impatiently. The streams exploded as soon as we released it, it was unbelievable."

"I'm so happy for her. And you. You've worked so hard," Chloe smile softens, dropping her hand unconsciously to squeeze Beca's thigh. "I'm happy your work gets the success it deserves."

"Thanks Chlo," Beca whispers before dropping her eyes on Chloe's hand and frowning lightly. "Um..."

"Shit sorry!" Chloe realizes where her hand is, beating herself for touching Beca when they haven't talked about the last time she touched her there.

"It's okay," Beca reassures. "It's just- We really have to talk about it Chlo."

"I know..." Chloe nods. "First of all I'm so sorry for that night."

"You don't have to apologize, I was clearly whiling to let it happen," Beca frowns. "If anything I was the one who asked you to come up with me."

"No Becs," Chloe shakes her hand. "I was so lost, and I feel like I took advantage of your feelings for me. And I hurt you. So I'm sorry for that," she murmurs the apology. "I shouldn't have started it. Or at least we should have discussed what it meant before. Because with feelings involved I feel like it was a mistake. Just sex would have been fine I guess. But it wasn't just that, it was way more. And I'm sorry I played with your feelings like that. I never meant to hurt you. But I did, and I'm truly sorry."

"I played with your feelings as well Chlo. You just said you were lost, so we were on the same boat. Our feelings were all over the place and we just acted physically without thinking about the emotional consequences," Beca says softly. "It's okay, what is done is done. I think we're close enough to move past it. If anything, I just wish you didn't leave like you did," Beca admits.

"I know," Chloe sighs. "I'm sorry for that."

"We could have had this conversation in the morning. It would have been way less awkward after that. I was more disappointed by that then what happened before. I thought you respected me enough to at least try and give me an explanation or hear mine, and not leave like I was just a one night stand."

"I respect you Becs, of course I do," Chloe chokes. "I guess I just panicked. You were lying there sound asleep and I had all these feelings coming back, it made me freak out. I'm so sorry."

"So you didn't run from me but from your feelings?" Beca asks quietly, her eyes staring deep into Chloe's soul.

"Um," Chloe rasps," Yes, I guess."

"Why?" Beca wonders, her voice wavering on the short word. "Why would you run?"

"I'm not sure I'm ready to face them yet," Chloe admits, her lip trembling at the sight of hurt in Beca's eyes. "I'm afraid of what I'll realize. Because what happens if I still love you and I hurt you for nothing. What if it was all a waste of time. And what happens to us if I don't and I hurt you even more."

"Oh," Beca breathes. "You know that I don't think it's a waste of time?"

"Really?" Chloe asks.

"Yeah," Beca nods slowly. "I mean... It hurts like hell. Not being with you, not being able to see you every day, not having you when I fall asleep or when I wake up," Beca rasps, taking a second to swallow back her tears. "But I think it might be what we needed. I think you were right, we need some time apart."

Chloe watches closely as Beca tries to find the right words, her blue eyes following the few passerby and birds that walk and fly in front of them.

"We were in love sure. So in love. But we've been together," Beca frowns at her words."When we got together we were still kids. And we grew up together. I'd never change that, because it was the best years of my life to be honest. But I think it was time to really discover who we are. What person we really are out of a relationship. And honestly I've discovered a lot already. So no Chlo, it's not a waste of time," Beca finishes with a small smile, her eyes finally looking back into Chloe's.

"I'm glad you think like that," Chloe says genuinely, grabbing Beca's hand and this time the brunette smiles down at the touch before letting go. "I made the decision I did because I had this thought that I didn't really know who I was. And I didn't get how you could love me when I didn't even know if I loved myself. I wanted to see who I am, and then if I still want you and you still want me I will give you all of me, the true me. And maybe you will still love me even if I'm not truly the same."

"I'd always love you Chlo," Beca says without hesitation.

"I-," Chloe stumbles at Beca's words, feeling the hollow in her chest grow bigger after hearing them. "The thing is, like I said, I'm not ready to face my feelings yet. Because I think that I have a lot of things to figure out about myself before I can let you love me."

"You've already changed what you're saying you know?" Beca says, a glint of happiness behind her troubled pupils. "Just minutes ago you were saying that you didn't know if we'll get back together after you're done figuring everything out. And now you're saying that you just need more time before letting me back in."

Chloe chuckles at that, because it's true. If she was still doubting at the start of their conversation, the conversation has only made it clearer that she will always get back to Beca. And there's no point in fighting it.

"I know," Chloe smiles, bumping their shoulders together. "I don't think I can stay away from you for too long Beca Mitchell."

"Good," Beca simply says.

"Just give me a bit more time?" Chloe asks, resting her head on Beca's shoulder.

"Of course," Beca nods. "I think I need more time too. Because you hurt me when you made me leave and I still need a bit of time so I can learn to trust you again. This time apart is hard, but I truly think it will be good for us in the end."

They stay silent for a moment, watching the scenery before them for a few minutes. Then, Beca wordlessly reaches for her phone and headphones in her pocket and offers one of the earpieces to Chloe before swiftly tapping on her screen.

Quickly realizing what she's doing Chloe murmurs:

"Are you sure?"

Beca only nods, plunging into Chloe's eyes without a word just as the first notes resonate in Chloe's ear.

 _Nothing you say_  
Will ever be wrong  
'Cause it just feels good being in your arms

The soft beat and Beca's voice immediately bring tears to Chloe's eyes. The warm love in Beca's voice wrapping around her tightly and trapping the air in her lungs.

 

 _And I'm running with you_  
As fast as I can  
Singing to myself I wanna hold your hand

Chloe's eyes snap up to Beca's at the Beatles reference. Blue eyes are already studying her closely and Beca catches the tear that rolls down her cheek with her thumb, shifting closer Chloe catches Beca's hand before she can take it back, linking their fingers together.

 

 _And we're going downtown_  
'Cause we feel like running around  
Is it really this fun when you're on my mind  
Is it really this cool to be in your life

Despise the tears pooling in her eyes Chloe lets out a watery chuckle, remembering the first year of their relationship when Beca would only express her feelings awkwardly using words like 'fun' and 'cool to describe their relationship and what she felt for the redhead. Like Beca said, they were still kids, and hearing those almost childish words takes her back to the very start, when everything was easier.

_There's one thing I'll do_  
If it ever goes wrong  
I'll write you into my all of my songs

A sob gets stuck in her throat because she knows that Beca did. She did write her into her songs, she wrote about her feelings and their break up. She still wrote about Chloe even if she was hurt and betrayed. Beca smiles softly when she catches the realization in Chloe's eyes, apparently relieved that Chloe caught the meaning in the song she wrote for Emily.

 

 

 _And if suddenly I die_  
I hope they will say  
That she was obsessed and it was okay

 And Chloe wants to yell that it is okay, that she will always be obsessed and fascinated by the woman next to her. Because she loves her more than any person on this planet, and if she came to die here and there she hopes that everybody, including Beca, would know that.

 

 _'Cause we're going downtown_  
And we feel like running around  
Is it really this fun when you're on my mind  
Is it really this cool to be in your life

 _And I'm going crazy_  
Crazy for you  
I'm going crazy  
Crazy for you

 _I'm going crazy_  
Crazy for you  
I'm going crazy  
Crazy for you

_For you_

 

The song ends, leaving a deafening silence between them. Chloe feels the warm blanket of Beca's voice releasing its hold on her, leaving goosebumps where it stokes her skin as it flies away.

"Again."

Is all Chloe says, and it seems to be enough for Beca who smiles brightly through the few tears blurring her eyes as she presses play.

"It beautiful Becs," Chloe murmurs halfway through the song. "Beautiful."

They haven't left each other's eyes and when Beca's drop to her lips she immediately misses them for the second it takes Beca to look at her again.

"You're beautiful," is all Beca has to say and Chloe would find it cheesy, but it's Beca, and they are listening to a song about them, and Beca's voice in beating softly against her eardrums with nothing but heartfelt words and thoughts. So Chloe blushes. And she hugs her as tight as she can.

"Thank you for the song Beca. It's truly beautiful. I'm at loss for words," Chloe breathes, all her feelings and emotions strangling her.

"I'm glad you like it," Beca whispers back in the embrace, burying her nose in the crook of Chloe's neck.

"I love it," Chloe corrects her gently as she drops a kiss on the crown of the brunette's head. "You know," she begins to whisper, debating on rather or not she should say what she wants to. But Beca just opened her heart completely to her, it's only fair she does the same. "I'm going crazy for you too."

"I know," Beca says calmly, but her fingers clutch Chloe's shirt after hearing her words, and the redhead feels the breath that got stuck in her throat get released in a soft exhale against her neck. "Chlo?"

Beca slowly detaches their body, nervousness fighting with wonder in her eyes as she starts to fidget with Chloe's fingers.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," Chloe tilts her head, intrigued by what Beca wants to know.

"Are you still in love with me?"

Beca's voice is so small, so broken, so scared, that Chloe feels like ripping her heart out of her chest and putting it in Beca's hand to make sure that the brunette never doubts that again, and never looks this broken again.

"Yes, of course baby," Chloe's voice breaks as the tears come back, leaning in to wipe Beca's away.

"Okay," Beca murmurs. "I just needed to hear it."

"Give me some more time please, I'm still so lost," Chloe rasps.

"Yeah," Beca nods, her eyes smiling through the tears.

They both lean in at the same time, their lips meeting in a soft kiss. And it's nothing like what happened between them after the party. This time it's a promise. It's a see you later. And the hollow in Chloe's chest almost disappears.

*

So, after that it gets easier for Chloe.

She knows that Beca understands. She knows what Beca feels for her. She knows that Beca also needs a bit of time for herself. And she knows that everything is not lost for them.

From then on, the weight on her shoulder is lifted and she finds herself really focusing on her instead of focusing on what happened with Beca, with the break up, with the memories.

Her friends notices the change, and they welcome it with open arms, happy to see the redhead back to her joyful self.

She also sees Beca a lot. Because their friends are back on finding whatever reason to party, and also because they find themselves in  a new routine without never actually discussing it, having coffees on Wednesday mornings and taking a walk in the park every Sundays to catch the sunset.

It feels good.

Like they rediscovering each other while having time to rediscover themselves.

It feels right.

She finds herself noticing bits and habits of Beca that she never noticed before, and she catches Beca looking at her like it's the first time their eyes meet more than once.

They find themselves in the same place that they were when they started dating the first time. They were already good friends, so they already knew a lot about each other. But they discovered so much more as they dated, finding the little things and details that made them fall in love with each other. And now, they thought they knew everything there is to know about the other, but the time apart already made them grow into slightly different people, and Chloe lives for the new found curiousness to unravel who Beca is now.

With every day the passes Chloe manages to figure out all her thoughts and emotions one by one, her feelings don't feel like a bundle of mess anymore, and she slowly sees the end of the tunnel, not afraid to face those feelings anymore but taking the bull by its horns and looking at it straight in the eyes and asking for answers.

 One day on their walk Beca grabs her hand gently. When Chloe's eyes find loving blue ones, she reads the question behind them without having to think about it.

She only nods once with a small smile on her lips before looking forward again as they keep walking peacefully hand in hand.

Because the answer is yes.

Yes, she will be ready soon.

*

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU"

Chloe is in tears by the end of the song.

All of her friends are reunited in Aubrey and Jesse's apartment, singing their hearts out to her after yelling a 'SURPISE' in unison and proceeding to scare the death out of her.

She was supposed to meet Beca and the couple here for a quiet diner, all of her other friends having given her multiple excuses on why they couldn't make it this time but promising that they would make it up to her.

They made it up all right, throwing her the best surprise she's ever had.

Amy keeps the last note going for a while, making everyone in the room laugh (and plug their ears after a moment, Chloe thinks she's heard a glass break somewhere in the kitchen).

"You dog," Chloe offers a watery chuckles at her three friends who look at her smugly as she playfully punches them.

"You really didn't know?" Aubrey laughs as Chloe hugs her afterwards.

"No!" Chloe exclaims, hugging Jesse next. "I mean some excuses were pretty farfetched but our friends are always weird so I guess I bought it," she laughs as Jesse squeezes her body tight and lifts her of the ground.

"You deserve the best for your birthday girl," Jesse tells her before putting her back down. "If we're being honest it was Beca's idea all along. We just played along and offered a place to throw the party."

"Did you really do that?" Chloe asks shyly, facing the small brunette.

"Yes," Beca shrugs timidly under Chloe's loving stare. "You always talked about how you never had surprise birthday party. And like Jesse said, you deserve the best. Everyone in the room can agree on that," Beca smiles softly.

"Thanks Becs," Chloe murmurs in Beca's ear as her arms wraps around the brunette's shoulders. "I love it. Thanks for going through the trouble."

"Any time Chlo," Beca squeezes the redhead's waist with the whisper, dropping the ghost of kiss on Chloe's shoulder.

"Let's get this thing started!" Amy exclaims somewhere in the room, the sound of a bottle of champagne being popped open following her announcement.

Beca and Chloe detach their bodies slowly, smiling shyly at each other until Amy shoves glasses in their hands.

"Come on Chlo, you have a lot of people to greet," Beca winks as they bring their glasses together.

"Yeah," Chloe says as she looks around to all the familiar faces she loves, still overwhelmed by how loved and important she feels. "I'll see you later?" She asks, her eyes finding Beca's again with the hopeful question.

"Of course," Beca nods.

Chloe offers her one last smile before turning around to face the crowded and buzzing room.

"Hey Chlo," Beca's voice makes her stop and turn around slowly to face the brunette again. "Happy birthday," she simply says with a wink.

For a moment they are the only one in the room, and Chloe can only grin back, her voice lost in the bubble of love stuck in the middle of her throat.

*

"Gifts time!" Flo exclaims over the booing after she cut the music.

The booing transforms into a happy cheer and Chloe can already feel her cheeks reddening.

"Oh no you guys, this is already all I could hope for. You know I'm not good with gifts," Chloe whines to Aubrey as the blond drags her in the middle of the room to sit her on a chair.

"Trust me you're going to like this one," Aubrey whispers before kissing her cheek and joining the crowd behind Chloe.

"Why are you all standing behind me?" she wonders, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

"Because I'm going to go first if that's alright," Beca's voice make her turn her head so fast she almost gets whiplash. "Hey," Beca murmurs when Chloe's eyes find hers.

"Hey," Chloe smiles, the bubble coming back at the sight of the glint of love behind blue pupils.

"So, I've got something for you, if you're alright with that," Beca asks shyly, fidgeting nervously in front of the redhead.

"Sure Becs," Chloe nods, wondering why the woman seems to be so nervous.

"Great," Beca claps her hands once, grabbing two chairs to sit in front of Chloe. "Benji you're ready?" she asks, her eyes looking at the man over Chloe's shoulder.

"Born ready baby," Benji answers, walking around Chloe to sit next to Beca with his guitar.

Realizing what Beca is about to do, tears immediately start coming up in Chloe's eyes as Benji starts playing a soft arpeggio on his guitar.

"Don't you dare," Beca whispers with a pointed finger to Chloe. "If you start crying I'll cry," she groans.

"I'm sorry," Chloe mouths, wiping the tears in her eyes before they fall and focusing on swallowing them back. Her efforts thrown by the window when Beca starts singing.

 

_You say there's so much you don't know_

_You need to go and find yourself_

_You say you'd rather be alone_

_'Cause you think you won't find it tied to someone else_

 

Once more, Chloe hears her words sung by Beca, the brunette closing her eyes as she starts singing what Chloe has been telling her for a couple of months now.

 

_Ooh, who said it's true_

_That the growing only happens on your own?_

_They don't know me and you_

 

Beca opens her eyes for this part, shrugging lightly with the question as if she is asking it directly Chloe, and the redhead doesn't have an answer for that.

 

_I don't think you have to leave_

_If to change is what you need_

_You can change right next to me_

_When you're high I'll take the lows_

_You can ebb and I can flow_

_And we'll grow as we go_

_Grow as we go_

 

She can't stop the tears to fall freely after that, because she knows Beca is right. And she knows that she wants nothing more than to grow old with Beca, and to watch who Beca grows to be. She knows now that she wants to be here for the growth, and she wants Beca to be right next to her to help her grow into a better person.

 

_You won't be the only one_

_I am unfinished I've got so much left to learn_

_I don't know how this river runs_

_But I'd like the company through every twist and turn_

 

Chloe finds herself smiling through the tears and nodding at the offer, her answer making Beca's voice waver as she starts singing the next part.

 

_Ooh, who said it's true_

_That the growing only happens on your own?_

_They don't know me and you_

 

Benji joins in to harmonize, and Chloe loses herself in the song and their soft voices, forgetting all about the other people in the room and why they're here. She forgets everything and for a moment it is just Beca singing her heart out to her.

 

_You don't ever have to leave_

_If to change is what you need_

_You can change right next to me_

_When you're high I'll take the lows_

_You can ebb and I can flow_

_And we'll grow as we go_

_Grow as we go_

_Grow as we go_

_Grow as we go_

 

Around the middle of the chorus Beca stands up, her eyes never leaving Chloe's as she offers her her  hand with an hopeful look, her voice getting softer as she gets closer to the redhead. Chloe takes it without thinking about it twice, feeling her heart jump in her chest as their skin touch. They dance slowly as Beca sings the bridge softly in her ear. The whole room disappears as Chloe closes her eyes, only feeling Beca's warm touch and her loving voice rocking their bodies to the soft beat.

 

_I don't know who we'll become_

_I can't promise it's not written in the stars_

_But I believe that when it's done_

_We're gonna see that it was better_

_That we grew up together_

Beca stops dancing to watch Chloe as she sings the last phrase, her eyes asking a question that Chloe can only answers by gently cradling Beca's face in her hands. Beca's hands slide up to grab hers, linking their fingers together as she starts singing the last chorus a cappella, blue pupils staring deep into Chloe's and drowns in them.

 

_Tell me you don't want to leave_

_If to change is what you need_

_You can change right next to me_

_When you're high I'll take the lows_

_You can ebb and I can flow_

_We'll take it slow_

_And grow as we go_

_Grow as we go_

_Grow as we go_

_Grow as we go_

 

Beca's voice resonates in her ears for a few seconds, the silence in the room not bothering her for a second as she forgets that people are standing behind her.

Beca's eyes shift from looking into one of her eye to the other, her fingers squeezing tighter around Chloe's as seconds flies by slowly in the deep silence.

Chloe only takes the time to look at Beca. Really look at her. Because it feels like she hasn't done it in a lifetime. The song is still dancing in her chest, putting the hollow there together to transform it into bursting flames of love. The warmness that Beca put there with her voice starts spreading to her whole body, and she feels the urge to share it with Beca.

So she puts Beca's hand on her heart, hoping that the brunette can feel the deafening beatings ripple between their bodies.

"Thank you," is the first thing she murmurs, and for a second she sees fear flash by in Beca's eyes as she patiently waits for what will come next. "Thank you for everything. For what you've been giving me, when we were together and when we were not. Thank you for everything you've done. Thank you for making me who I am. Thank you for giving me the time to figure it out," she whispers lowly, only for Beca to hear.

Beca doesn't say anything for a moment, letting Chloe's words swim between them.

"But?" she whispers after a while, fear returning behind her orbs.

"There's no but babe. There were never a but," Chloe says, eyes watering as she stares into Beca's. "I'm sorry it took me so long to see it."

Beca smiles is blinding and Chloe can only grin back. She's sure they look stupid, gazing into each other eyes and smiling like two idiots. But she doesn't care. Beca is here, the whole of her. And she's here, entirely complete and true to herself.

Who cares about the rest.

"Just kiss alreadyyyyyyy," comes a whine behind them, and Chloe jumps at the laughter that follows, having completely forgotten about everything in the world except for Beca's eyes.

"May I?" Beca whispers nervously, the memory of her asking the same thing six years ago making the flames burst out of Chloe's chest.

"You may," she whispers on the same tone as she did the first time.

Beca still needs to get on her tiptoe to kiss her. She still traps Chloe's bottom lip in between hers. She stills wraps one hand around Chloe's hip as the other softly cradle her cheek. She still exhales softly against Chloe's mouth as they detach their lips. She still keeps her eyes close for a second before opening them as they come back down to earth.

Beca kisses her the same. Beca loves her the same.

And they might be slightly different people, their relationship might change.

But Chloe can't help to let a tear drop in their embrace as their friends cheer for them.  Because even if everything might be different now, some things will never change. And Beca only confirms it when she kisses the tear away.

*

The shelves above the TV are filled with CDs and books as well as weird decoration pieces that don't really match together. The second bedroom is filled with recording equipments and dance clothes and shoes. The closet is filled with two wardrobes mixed together in the shelves in drawers. The walls and the fridge proudly display their happy faces, stupid selfies, stupid resting bitch faces, stupid lovable friends and family pictures, stupidly unashamed happy memories. For the first few days she trips over shoes in the hallway but quickly gets used to step over them again without thinking about it. Beca's shampoo in the shower is still more expensive then hers, and their toothbrushes get tangled in the cup on the bathroom sink.

It takes a few months before Beca comes back.

Because they still need to learn about each other, they still need to learn to trust each other again.

They enjoy taking things slow, feeling a few years younger as they go on dates and giggles stupidly and blush around each other like they did when they were still kids and started dating.

One morning she finds one of Beca's hoodies in her closet after Beca leaves to go to work after having stayed the night.

When Beca comes back from work she finds her spare key on the coffee table.

They don't really talk about it. Only because it feels natural.

And soon enough Beca doesn't just come back from work, she comes home.

*

So they don't talk about it, but the first time  Chloe mentions it Beca's grin grows twice the size of the moon.

 They are out having drinks with Chloe's colleagues when the redhead spotted Beca trying to yawn discreetly in her sleeve.

"Tired?" she whispers only for Beca, letting their friends debate about the stupid reality tv show they like to watch.

"Sorry," Beca mumbles, shaking her head to try and shake it off. "It's been a long week."

"I know," Chloe nods, wrapping her arm around her to drop a kiss on Beca's temple. "Let's take you home."

"You want me to come home with you?" Beca whispers after a second.

It stings, remembering what she said that day. It still hurts, and the ghost of the hollow in her chest still comes back to bother her when she thinks about what they went through.

However, the glint of amusement and love in Beca's ocean blue eyes tells her that everything is okay. Beca has her own way to tell her that it is in the past, that everything is finally behind them and forgiven.

So she smiles back.

"Yeah, let's go home."

*

On their seventh anniversary Beca asks her to join her down the street as the sun sets.

There she finds Beca standing proudly in front of the old car the brunette used to drive in college.

"What? How did you?" Chloe asks dumfounded.

"My dad's kept it," Beca shrugs with her smirk.

She kisses her hungrily and tells her that her bag is already in the trunk.

The Beatles CD plays loudly as they start driving, shouting over the music and stealing kisses at every red light.

After a few hours of driving the moon is up in the sky, and Beca takes a sharp turn to stop in a small deserted street.

She opens Chloe's door and takes her hand before spinning her around and making them sway slowly in the middle of the street as _And I Love Her_ plays loudly in the car.

Beca sings softly in her ear, and as Chloe closes her eyes she's taken back to all these years ago. Beca's embrace is still as warm, she still steps on her toes a few times clumsily, her voice is still soft of loving against her eardrums.

Chloe realizes that nothing really has changed between them. They are still the same fools madly in love with each other. They might be more mature, and more understanding and aware of their relationship, themselves and each other, but the most important parts of them haven't changed.

They dance slowly, their voices lacing together as the music comes to an end.

Beca kisses her slowly but the passion between it makes every part of Chloe's skin shiver.

When they detach their bodies Beca has a box in her hand.

Beca shyly asks her to marry her.

She says yes.

*

The shelves above the TV are filled with CDs, books and weird decoration pieces that don't really match together. The second bedroom is occupied by a small bed and an excessive amount of toys, the walls now a light shade of orange. The closet is filled with three wardrobes mixed together in the shelves and drawers. The walls proudly display their happy faces, stupid lovable friends and family pictures, stupidly unashamed happy memories, and an overly cute small redhead face. Their stupid selfies and stupid resting bitch faces are drown under colorful drawings on their fridge. There's a closet in their hallway, because the tripping on adult shoes and tiny sneakers and sandals was becoming too much of a problem. Beca's shampoo in the shower is still more expensive then hers, but Chloe's favorite bottle is the pink one with Olaf smiling on the front that smells like cotton candy. Their toothbrushes get tangled in the cup on the bathroom sink, and the small purple one that sticks on the sink doesn't seem to have the same problem.

"Guess who's back from school?"Beca's voice resonates in the hallway followed by the sound of small feet running. "Shoes off first!"

"But-" a little voice follows the demand.

"Shoes," Beca repeats as she appears in the kitchen to find Chloe cooking. "Yum, taco Tuesday!" she moans before dropping a kiss on Chloe's lips.

"Hey love," Chloe smiles against her lips.

"Moooooooom," a little shoeless redhead comes flying into Chloe's arms a second later. "You'll never guess what Axel did today."

"Hello to you too bub," Chloe chuckles, brushing a few stubborn hair out of the excited blue eyes.

"Yeah yeah yeah, hi," the small voice answers, with an eye roll and a kiss on her mother's cheek.

"Welcome back home my loves," Chloe whispers, eyes finding her wife's before leaning to kiss her.

*****************

"Ew, stop it you two, you're so cheesy!"

"Believe me," Beca chuckles wrapping her arms around the two girls she loves the most. "We know."

********************

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a sucker for happy endings. Hope you liked it, if you did don't be afraid to let me know :)  
> The songs I used:
> 
> Broken Man - Vanderlux  
> Downtown - Majical Cloudz  
> Grow As We Go- Ben Platt


End file.
